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terrorism spreads

07-Apr-2009

1. At Edinburgh Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a secondary school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight to the Hebrides while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

2. A man was seen entering a Roman Catholic chapel early this morning during the service. He wore: white wellington boots, a bright orange hat, a loud red shirt, a yellow tie, a suit of varied hues of blue, a large Rangers scarf. He carried a mobile phone, a whoopee cushion, a football rattle, a banner bearing an image of King William of Orange astride a horse, and a number of smoke and stink bombs.

It is thought he was intent on Mass Disruption.

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